Monday, 19 December 2011

New Years Eve = Disaster!

Last week my girlfriend and I went to see New Years Eve. First let me explain why we decided on this particular show in the first place. We both needed a break and thought that a movie where you didn’t have to think was perfect.
Well, this movie was not only a no-brainer for us, but must’ve been something conjured up over a night of drinking for the screenwriters.

It was terrible.

The plots were dry, predictable, and boring. The acting was even worse. This movie casted some of the top A list stars such as Katherine Heigl, Josh Dumal, Ashton Kutcher, Michelle Pfeiffer, Zac Efron, Robert De Niro, Halle Berry and Sarah Jessica Parker. So the acting potential was at a high standard and I have to say watching this movie was like watching one episode of the teletubbies. Over paid morons flopping around on screen. Ugh I’d rather give myself a paper cut between my toes.

Where do I begin?

The first story: Katherine Heigl and Jon Bon Jovi used to be engaged until he left her the previous New Years Eve. Jump ahead a year and she’s catering the New Years Eve gala in Times Square where he is the headliner. Hmmm I wonder what happens. Well, you don’t have to see the movie to figure it out. A lack of chemistry, bad acting and horrible writing spells blah!

Moving on to story number two: Michelle Pfeiffer and Zac Efron. She plays a frumpy middle aged woman looking to fill her list of things she’s never done. Zac is the man for the job. He is a mail delivery boy who gets around on a bike and motorized scooter which later Michelle drives, scratching one thing off her list. You watch as the two go from place to place in New York City but never find out why she needs to fulfill the items on the list. At the end of the movie Zac kisses the overly frumpy, and needs to put some cucumbers on her eyes, Michelle as they dance the night away in Times Square. One word defines this mess...Puke.

Story number three: Ashton Kutcher hates New Years Eve because his heart was broken a few years before during the holidays. (wah wah wah) He walks around in his pyjama’s ripping down all the decorations moaning about how much he despises the day. In comes Lea Michelle (Glee) and the two get stuck in the apartment elevator (go figure) The two fall for each other (again go firgure) Amid all the chaos of the movie Lea Michelle breaks into song. I am not kidding. This is not only cheesy but nearly caused us both to lose our popcorn right there. It was a good thing we were the only ones in the theatre because the profanity that expelled from our lips at this ridiculous scene would have definitely gotten us kicked out.

Story number four: Robert De Niro plays a dying man whose only wish is to go onto the roof of the hospital and watch the fireworks at midnight. Halle Berry is his nurse and sits with him until his daughter, Hilary Swank arrives. Oh goodness, where to start? After almost dying a few times throughout the show and merely hanging on by a thread his daughter takes his oxygen from his nose and wheels him to the roof top where he...yes you guessed it, dies. What did you think would happen?

And in comes another song, by Lea Michelle as all the couples come together in a New Year hug, kiss, or whatever. At this point my eyes were crossed and I was praying for the credits to roll.
There were of course other stories but these four took the cake.

If you feel I’ve ruined the movie for you, well I’m sorry. But look at this way; I saved you $20.00, your stomach from revolting, eyes from crossing, and your sanity. You can’t put a price on that!

Overall New Years Eve was a flop, a horrible waste of time.

1 comment:

  1. ...and yet the trailer looks good, with a cast of well known celebrities. You've written a scary review for New Years now I'm curious and want to see it for myself. :)