I have a head cold, one that has kept me up all night. It’s in my sinuses, and my face feels like someone punched me with brass knuckles. Not that I’d know what brass knuckles feel like, but I figure it would hurt like hell. I can’t talk without sounding like a cross between Elmer Fudd and a body builder, and to my disappointment I cannot use a damn Neti Pot.
The Neti Pot is a great idea, pour salted water into your nasal canal and let it drop out the other end, thus allowing you to clean out your sinuses. Fantastic!
Well, this did not work so well for me. I have chosen to, at the exact time I have inserted the Neti Pot into my right nostril and allowed the water to go into my nasal canal, hyperventilate. Yes, panic. I cannot breathe and I’m sure I will drown.
I am instructed to breathe through my mouth slowly, hyperventilating doesn’t work this way. I choked on my own snot. It was disgusting. Not to mention completely unattractive. I was spitting, gagging and gasping. It was a mess. By the time I was done, I had water, and snot everywhere, plus I almost vomited twice.
Now, for the many friends who use this contraption, I applaud you for doing this right. I, on the other hand cannot seem to figure it out, and to save myself the displeasure of doing it wrong again, I will not attempt the Neti Pot in the near future.
I some how found the strength to crawl to my bed. My throat was sore from dry heaving, and my head was pounding. I opened my package of cherry flavoured Halls and popped one into my mouth. All pleasure dissapeared when I noticed new writing on the wrapper. “Be Strong” it read.
Hmmm.I opened every one of the wrappers and they all had an inspirational saying on them. “Keep your chin up” “March Forward” “Impress yourself today”
Halls, you need to shut up!
I don’t want to be strong. I feel like S@%t!Impress myself?? Yeah, I can’t even blow my nose without passing gas.
I haven’t slept in two days. Someone has taken a bloody hammer to my head and won’t quit. My cheeks and teeth throb and ache, and the Telus Lady who called today thought I was a man!!Halls should remove those quotes in exchange for ones like these “Go take a nap” “Call in sick” or “Take the week off”
I know one thing for sure. I’m switching to Ricola. They taste like hell, but that’s how I feel.